


Tell me you hate me

by piperthejouralist



Category: Dragon Age - All Media Types
Genre: F/M, Smut, Solavellan
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-20
Updated: 2019-03-20
Packaged: 2019-11-26 12:07:51
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,849
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18180404
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/piperthejouralist/pseuds/piperthejouralist
Summary: Attraction can be fatal, and love devastating. She wants to hate him, but his lips haunt her even in her sleep. Who knew it was really him, and not just a projection of her innermost wishes?





	Tell me you hate me

At times, when the feeling of longing that had settled in his chest the first time he had lain his eyes upon her seemed to overwhelm him, when it would leave him feeling possessed and restless, as if a demon had taken hold of him, filled him to the brink with thoughts that were all too inappropriate and no good for him, he would return to her, in his dreams.  
He knew he was abusing his power- betraying her trust and the promise he had made; that he would not seek her out again, that he would not be selfish and primitive, and take what he wanted, that he would instead focus on the problem at hand, the restoration of the elven world that he had destroyed himself millennia ago. But it simply wasn’t possible- he was but a man, and his waking hours were haunted by the memory of her hands on his chest and her tongue in his mouth. It was driving him insane, knowing that he would never see her again, never feel her hands roam over his body. 

His attempts to soothe the fire burning in his chest left him feeling empty and pathetic.  
The women he took in her place simply weren’t her. Their every motion reminded him of that. Their moans were hollow and shrill, their bodies frail- their magic mediocre at best. Afterwards, the would cling to him and look at him as if he were holy. He was a god to them, something to be revered and respected, but nothing more. He was a mere conquest, and their intercourse was an accomplishment that they would brag about later. He couldn’t bring himself to care anyhow; for the time being they were as good as any, and fucking them took some of the pressure off his chest. 

And so he had taken to walking the fade again, just to get to her. He felt dirty, as though he were violating the very fabric of the plane simply by using it to spy on his vhenan. His vhenan, who had been all stormy eyes and silent grace the last time he had seen her, fierce and proud despite the pain that had wrought havoc in her body. She had been furious, the wounds his betrayal had inflicted upon the very essence of her being still fresh and visible as her defense had crumbled along with his own. As had his resolve. He’d known that she would look bad- the mark his orb had left on her was ever consuming, but it wasn’t the wounds that had gotten to him. It was the grief that was oh so visible in her eyes- and the longing- the longing that waited there had truly swept him off his feet. 

Shame rushed through him once again as he left his corporeal shell and willed his body to find hers. It din’t take long.

His vhenan was sitting upon her bed back in Skyhold, staring at the ceiling. She wasn’t moving, still as a statue and he was about to leave when he was pushed forward, the movement catching him off guard as he tumbled to the floor. 

He’d been fooled in his own dimension, beat at his own game. She was standing above him, all flaming eyes and grim features, looking sad and furious at the same time. 

“Are you surprised to see me, vhenan?“ She spat out the nickname with such passion and hatred that he felt his heart sink in his chest. 

Upon closer inspection of what he assumed was a projection of herself on the bed, he noticed the little flaws he hadn’t perceived before. Her hair was longer, her clothes a different shade of the usual azure she wore, but most importantly, she still had her arm crutched to her stomach, the arm that he had stolen, taken from her to delay her inevitable demise. 

“Ma vhenan…“, his words were a silent prayer begging her to forgive him, a testimony to the feelings that were rioting in the cavity of his chest, where his heart was pounding and a gut wrenching pain raged. He wasn’t begging her to forgive him for the intrusion of her privacy. He was begging her to forgive him for everything he had done: for leading her on, knowing fully that their love was bound to end in heartbreak and pitiful demise, for taking her vallaslin and her heart, too, ripping it in two as he left her with nothing but hollow promises and a shallow goodbye. Using his elbows to prop himself up, he watched the shift in her face as silver began to line her eyes. 

“You left me…“ Her voice was meek and quiet as she sank to her knees and placed a hand upon his chest. Her pain was a palpable thing, filling the room to the brim, and pushing down on his chest, even more so than the slender hand that lay there. He couldn’t move, couldn’t take the silent tears that had begun to stream down her cheeks, past the spot where the vallaslin had once been- its absence marking the loss of everything she had once been, had once believed. 

“I know“, he whispered, his voice echoing off the tall stone walls that had once felt like shelter and were now claustrophobic, moving in on him as her despair and fury tainted the air within. 

“You left me!“ 

Her scream disturbed something within him, causing it to shatter. Her first came down on his chest as she held onto the collar of his shirt, again and again, as sobs shook the frame of her body. 

“You betrayed me, you left me! You took my vallaslin!“ 

The raw sadness of her voice cut through his skin like shards of glass, piercing his heart with blades sharper than the knives his enemies had once used to banish him.  
Their love was a broken thing, torn and rough around the edges, ragged and covered in scars that went far beneath the surface. 

But it was still love, flaming hot and all consuming, that was waking in his chest now, struggling to break free- begging him to give in, to be close to her, to taste her and seal her mouth with kisses and wipe the tears away one by one, until she was gasping and struggling underneath him as they made up for the time they had lost, and the time they would not- could not- have. 

So he reached up, carefully, and placed his left hand upon her cheek, thumb stroking across the soft skin that was unmarred, rosy, now that the vallaslin was gone- he’d done this to her. His vhenan had given up this piece of herself because he’d told her to- he’d payed her with nonchalance and indifference; and then he’d left her, broken and betrayed, without steadfast allies and in the midst of a foreign invasion.  
She eased into his touch, closing her eyes and he couldn’t help but watch her face as her lashes cast shadows on her cheeks. When she opened them again, there was nothing but a scorching flame burning there, the kind that marred forever, leaving burns and scars behind as she pushed him down yet again, until her fingers were wrapped around his throat, scraping at his Adam’s apple and the nape of his neck like a castaway trying to hold on to drift wood. 

“I hate you.“ 

Her mouth found his- and then she was on top of him, and he could feel every sinful curve press against him. 

“I wished I’d never met you.“ 

He pulled her shirt over her head and removed the ribbon from her hair, watching it cascade down to where it rested just above her exposed breasts which were full and heavy, expectant of his touch. Solas took in every inch of her, every notch and every curve, drank it in like sweet honey wine, then stored it deep within him before locking it away throughly, knowing well that there was no return beyond this point. 

Her hands were hungry for more, pushing and pulling at the fabric that covered his torso while their lips still remained intertwined, indistinguishably entangled in each other, and her tongue roamed over the corners of his mouth, demanding entrance, a request that he granted gladly. His breath caught in his throat when she placed one of her hands on his crotch as their mouths still waged war. It was driving him crazy- and she knew it. The Inquisitor was torturing him, he was sure of it, every movement calculated and ruthless- part of the game she was playing. She was a spider and he had been caught in her web. 

“I wanna ruin that pretty face of yours-“ Panting, she broke the kiss and lightly pushed his head back, keeping his chin in a ruthless grip, nails digging into the sensitive tissue of his throat, while her lips traveled south, leaving a trail of sloppy kisses on his heated skin. “And mark your body so everyone can see who you truly are. Mine.“  
Light exploded behind his eyes and he rolled her over, pressing her to the floor, cherishing the surprised gasp that fell from her lips as he claimed her mouth yet again, driven by the electricity that was rushing through his veins. His shirt joined hers, huddled on the floor and he began kneading her breast, feeling her nipples harden underneath his touch as gasps continuously spilled from her lips. “You’re mine, ma vhenan- and you know it- as much as I am yours.“, Solas muttered through gritted teeth, watching her squeal underneath him. He could feel pressure building in his chest, primeval and raw, and a guttural growl escaped his throat. He closed his eyes, overwhelmed by the intensity of his emotions; and when he opened them again, he found her looking up at him with nothing but adoration and true, honest affection.  
What little resolve had remained dissolved into nothingness as he took her in: the sweat beading on her brow, the glossy hair that was fanned out underneath her- and those lovely eyes. He remembered now; it had been her eyes that had caught his attention, vibrant and lavish, bright as the morning sun. 

But it was impossible, and despite how much he wanted to give in, to abandon his plans for a lifetime with her, he knew he would have to leave soon. 

And so he wiped away the tears that silently fell off the planes of her cheeks and whispered:“Tell me you hate me, ma vhenan.“ 

And so she did, while they removed the rest of their garments.

She told him she hated him as they laid down on the bed; as his hands roamed over her body; as he embraced her and she wrapped her legs around his waist, pulling him closer; as he called her name and grabbed her hair. 

She told him she hated him as he got up and gathered his clothes. She told him she hated him as he left.


End file.
